It is so unreal to me that it is December 1, 2015. There are many days my brain operates as if it were December 1, 2005. At that time I was 14 and more than likely obsessing over Justin Timberlake, Johnny Depp, Antonio Banderas, and Coldplay respectively. Time is an illusion and as more of it goes by I realize that I don’t move with it. I age physically, but mentally and soulfully I am motionless.
As long as I could remember I’ve been this age (an old soul) with a certain level of wisdom and a particular amount of necessary solitude. I am now whom I’ve always been, with a bit more strength intertwined in the way I go about things. I think time baffles me because although things have come to light, successes and letdowns, there is stillness to it all. As an author I should able to make this more clear, but I don’t know how else to put it other than: as my nieces age I am more aware of time than I would be if they weren’t living their lifetimes with me. My mother said it when I was young that I seemed to not only have a world of my own, but also worries that surpassed the ordinary. I never wanted the latest car, phone, house, clothes, none of that. She claims it’s because I’ve always known the true value of things and most of what is manmade has none.
If it hasn’t become more obvious over the past couple years, I am one who has to get away. I always have been. Escape is essential to the well being of my creativity and wellbeing. I can’t be one of those people that lives by social media, and posts every 5 seconds what I’m doing and where I’m going. I’m not saying those who do are wrong, not at all. Power to you. We all live differently; none of us are made to be the same. I’m just sure people expect my life is boring and don’t think I travel because I’m not posting about it. On the contrary. This world is beautiful and I’ve made sure to see all I want to see. I’ve been out of the USA several times in the past 6 years (since “Blind Thirst” was published), but I hold my private time so sacred. It’s like I function in the 1970s when it comes to that (kind of like the clothes I really like that no one sees hahaha – nerd!) I would make the worst celebrity. Hahaha.
The point I’m making about getting away is just the milestones I keep for me and my own. It allows my mind to be aware of the space I’m in. Whether it be by the people I’m with or the damage time has done to something.
Unsurprisingly, time gets away as much as I do. There is this documentary coming on the Discovery Channel soon called “Racing Extinction”. It airs tomorrow…. That is actually where this small journal type entry came from. I caught myself crying when I saw the preview for this. I shut down for a few days. When I’m gone it’s not always because I just need to get away, it’s really the condition the world is in that gets me. I feel helpless in the matter because money makes the (insert swear here)’s world go ’round. I used to blame the fact that I’m a Pitta Dosha with a Pisces sign, passionate and emotional about everything my heart focuses on. I have silent conversations in my mind with God about how much longer until the world consumes itself with pain, terror, and murder. In “Point of Infliction” I shed light on many sides of that, “Tomorrow Never Came” as well, because the purpose of what I do is to remind the few that still read that they are not alone in their woes. The emotions and thoughts plaguing one hits all at one point or another.
My recommendation is to get away. Don’t keep filling up your plate hoping it will help you ignore the things eating away at you. Empty it or push it to the side for a while, and go spend some time away from the world you live in. It’s refreshing. Rejuvenating. Free yourself from a world disguised as a free one whenever you can. Don’t let, “But I have to work,” be your excuse. That’s just the shxt they feed us to keep us close, away from our happiness – machines working to keep their pockets full. Please find the time before the year is over to just be in a space with the ones that uplift you. Doesn’t have to be your family, it can be your best friends or just you. Simply make sure you can enjoy that time, it’s fleeting.