“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.
Love is one of the most profoundly complex, yet necessary, human emotions. It is shared from human to human and to human to animal, even soul to soul. Love implies a level of acceptance. Flaws, belief systems, culture, race, heritage, and many other facets of the human condition intermingle with the notion of love. It is a word defined yet undefined. It’s beautiful in every sense of itself. This single word is filled with strength, passion, confidence, and compassion. It is as vibrant and strong as a billion warriors, but can cause feel like a thousand blows of anxiety. People may feel troubled by the thought of being loved, and giving love. Gravely, never giving a thought to the fact that they are the very ones that deserve love.
I have known people to intentionally surround themselves with negative energy. They ensure their “friends” (acquaintances) are incapable of providing love. I have watched people get tangled up in crime, self-abuse, and torment all because of lack of love. The use darkness as a way to fill a void or even exile the need for love at all. During this “trade off” the void fills with hate. Suddenly, their idea of ever knowing love in whichever form is shattered and replaced with hatred. Their ability to connect at this point is compromised and it becomes so difficult to stray away from he path they are traveling because it becomes all they know. You can see it in his eyes. You can hear it in her voice. Something is missing that she can’t allow herself, and he himself, to succumb to. No one should ever feel this way because we all deserve love.
So, what can we do to get ourselves or our friends back to the point in believing in love’s healing capabilities? For starters, call them and tell them they are loved. Even if you know they aren’t currently able to say it back. Even if they say, “Don’t call me. I hate talking on the phone! Text me.” People need to hear that they have love somewhere around them. It’s a natural freedom of expression. Never let someone you love go without knowing it. Never assume they know because one day in an argument they will say, “You never told me you loved me! I can’t read minds!” Don’t let it come to that.
Now, how to address this. With some research I formulated 5 basic questions that may be difficult to answer honestly, but you have to. The only way to figure out why you can’t embrace something positive is to be honest. It’s okay if you aren’t ready to be honest with the world. Be honest with yourself. The rest will come naturally. Do not worry about your friend pressuring you to answer anything. Just say, I need to work through these on my own. Something my cousin and I have done is kept a daily journal. It helps. It works in a way that allows you not to unleash whatever sorrow you feel on the next stranger who walks by. Think about keeping one yourself. You can start with answering the questions below!
4 Questions to Help You
Overcome Your Fear of Love
What are you afraid of?
When someone tells you they care for you and/or love you, what triggers your need to shut down or play it off like it wasn’t said at all? What causes your mind to pull on your heart strings in a way that causes you to feel inferior to love? Who, if any one particular person at all, turned off your ability to accept something so beautiful from another person?
What caused this?
What point in your life or what situation occurred to make you feel hurt, unloved, or under appreciated? Why do you still hold it in your life to be the determining factor of how you respond to love? Why do you feel this should be the thing to keep you away from what you deserve most in this world, next to happiness?
Are you blaming yourself?
Most often when we blame ourselves we know deep down it wasn’t our fault. Yet, we have trained our immediate subconscious to believe it is. The irony of this is simple. When something is our fault and we know it, we will deny, deny, deny. When it isn’t, we embrace, embrace, embrace. We own up to false blame. What is causing you to feel ashamed or blamed, blocking your ability to accept love or give love? Be particularly honest with yourself here, because this is a barricade that needs to be bulldozed.
How can we conquer this?
Did you know you are queens and kings? Did you know you deserve the utmost joy, happiness, love, and respect? Did you know with this you can overcome anything? There’s just one thing. You have got to be patient. Remember that love can heal all and everything else in comparison does not matter. Try to notice when you are being your own worst enemy. We as humans have a habit of beating ourselves to a pulp (let’s be honest), but this is very unhealthy. Speak to yourself like you would someone you care for deeply. I know there’s someone in this world you have a great deal of love for, even if you haven’t been able to express it yet. Think of someone that has broken through your fear of love and connected with you even when you swore to yourself you were incapable. Think about how you would converse with them on a deeper level, whether intimate or traditional.
In my opinion, love is a right. It is magic. It is power. It is strength. It is courage. And it is ours to share. Don’t run from something that surrounds you to make you better, to provide you hope. Don’t fear what was made to evoke fearlessness. You are worthy warriors and I love you. You can handle anything. Don’t give up on this one.