Welcome to Doubters Anonymous.
Hi my name is Veronica and I am a self-doubter. Since the age of 12 I have suffered from this “addiction”. For years I have been told kind words such as ‘you’ve inspired me’ and ‘the reason I do this is because of you’, but….speaking honestly, although it isn’t an entirely crippling, every now and again doubt causes me to lose sight of things. It is fair to declare indecisiveness and my personally set high standards inflame the reservations I dwell on. Recently, as I have in the past, I stepped outside of myself to analyze my condition and well-being using only positive reinforcements.
For instance, focusing on the purest most relevant and fact based pros about myself that time, family, and friends have opened my eyes to. Not a single doubt in my mind surfaced about how loved I am, blessed I am, or lucky I am to have all these wonderful people surrounding me everyday (unlike grammar school and high school….I was an honor roll student and excessively overweight, so put it together people). Anyway, what a lot of people don’t realize is, we are what we preach – both to the world and to ourselves.
A couple of weeks ago I tweeted, “You are the only one that can change yourself. So decide how you want to be, who you want to be, and what you want to be…Then become it”. Well, it is not easy to change once fear settles in. Fear of being crushed by those you trust or confide in. Those you inform of the dreams you have for yourself that since they cannot envision it, they soil on. Fear of staying in one place, though you would kill to move forward. Fear of wanting to influence, but before aware that society is more focused on celebrity nonsense to actually care about one another as individuals. Fear of not knowing. Fear of…freedom. Because isn’t that what we’ve all been working toward since our first day in kindergarten?
We are accustomed to living an ordinary life, so it feels strange to picture us outside of the average. We get complacent, we talk ourselves up, knock ourselves down, and call ourselves “putting yourself in your place”. But what is your place? Isn’t your place to be happy? To be fulfilled? To be loved? To be everything you ever wanted in this life…This one life that you get. How do you even get there? I bet you’re thinking, “How is this small time author telling me how to rid myself of doubt when she’s not even rich or (insert celebrity name here)?”
Allow me to tell you why. I am insanely familiar with doubt. I told my best friend, jokingly, that my teddy bear from my childhood was named McDoubt. He wasn’t. Remember? Said it was joke. Anyway, you learn from the people that feel your pain and you share it. So…
In order to decide how you want to be, you cannot fear the person looking back at you in the mirror nor can you second-guess the goals you’ve set for yourself. Just force ‘em to motion. Get the ball rolling the best way you know how.
In order to be who you want to be you have to develop courage and self-love. Daily sessions of self-assurance (15 minutes of words that empower you) can transform your entire world. People always laugh at that suggestion – of PDA (my meaning: private displays of affection). Telling yourself you’re amazing, smart, and beautiful is not cocky nor is it wrong to recite to yourself. It is a method that will become a religious practice, your personal form of mediation. Facing the terrors that doubt whispers to you. It’s hard to look into the mirror and see yourself for who you truly are. It is difficult to accept what you see sometimes, and it isn’t always related to your surface appearance. No one is perfect. The world is basking in the burning glow of mirages. People are never quite who you dream them to be. In some way we are broken, but in many ways it is because we need each other. Eventually the negativity consumes us or the positivity fuels us. A combination of faith and helpfulness can save us. In that instant we will not only be who we want to be, but we will also be who we need to be.