“How lucky I am to have something that makes
saying goodbye so hard.” – A.A. Milne
For 25 years I have lived among those closest to me with gratitude, admiration, unconditional love, and amazement. I was recently asked by a friend who lost some one, “How would you feel if this happened to you?” I was startled by the bellowing sadness between us, and aching as she had because of my love for her. She has been one of the best people in my life since I was 14.
However, in this moment I was at a loss.
Sure this was something she didn’t expect, because whenever a friend asks me anything I find out, I help, I do my absolute best to come to a conclusion or understanding. Yet, in this moment I couldn’t. I simply stated, in summary for you, that I couldn’t imagine a response. The dramatic in me could say one thing, but my heart remains unfamiliar. We’ve lost uncles, grandparents, acquaintances, but I couldn’t imagine losing a friend – not since 2001 anyway when I was too young to understand relationships and their value.
I am immensely grateful in my life to still have my soulmates, but woeful for those who have loss theirs. Saying goodbye to a living friend is hard 99% of the time in my experience, even when they were no good for you. Saying goodbye to a great friend who is no longer on Earth cannot be expressed in words. It’s a part of life I accept, but will never claim to understand. Yes, we are here to live and lead our own lives, many are here to contribute to the “greater good” while others act as role models to teach us what not to do. I get that, but I can’t wrap my mind around why a loving family or great friends have to experience life without one another. Again, I get the logic, I just don’t…If you know what I mean.
I’ve watched death destroy many great people.
Losing one family member, one great friend, even an inspirational role model can steal the joy and light from someone for what seems like an eternity. From the depth of my soul I wish it didn’t have to be a part of the human experience. To live in harmony and in love and in joy is my infinite wish for everyone. Just knowing that we can’t have the blissful moments play out in living color before us forever is heart wrenching. Eventually everything will show in black and white, some voices will fade, some names will vanish, and part of the light that once shined bright will burn dim until it fizzles out. It’s beautiful chaos.
Experiencing the ups, downs, and permanence of it all. This is precisely why I hug my folks every day, I tell my people I love them literally every day. Ask any one of them they’ll tell you how annoying it is. You will never be in my life and NOT know how infinite my love for you is. I appreciate everyone and everything I have. I will gladly share in the crazy moments, the angered minutes, the bouts of sadness. It all brings us back to uncontrollable laughter and undying love.